The clink of ice swishing in a chilled glass, the gentle lap of waves on a shore. The ching of a till and definitely some of that whale music as I relax in a spa.
What I don’t want to hear are squeals, or any other childlike noises.
That’s why I’m sitting on the roof of the Barcelo Illetas Albatros in Majorca’s capital Palma, sipping a gin flavoured with citrus and admiring a serene bay as the sun sets.
This adults-only paradise exists to indulge big kids such as me.
Best of all, it’s not going to cost me a fortune. I am here to find out how far you can escape from the daily grind, just a few hours from the UK.
It could cost as little as £88 a day — half that if you share with a pal.
The Illetas Albatros is perfect for a grown-up urban beach break. It has access to its own beach in a cove overlooking the bay of Palma, as well as an infinity pool complete with Balinese beds and hot tubs. It is 15 minutes from this charming Mediterranean port’s buzzing centre